


The After

by stuckyfucky



Series: The After [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, Awkwardness, Bed-Wetting, Desperation, Diapers, Hand Jobs, Kink Exploration, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Hand jobs, Omorashi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Porn With Plot, Rape (mentioned briefly), Rutting, Secrets, Self-Hatred, Wetting, getting caught, just a little plot, lying, secret keeping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-19 07:35:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29871312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stuckyfucky/pseuds/stuckyfucky
Summary: New series that takes place after my "Uh Oh, Here I Go Writing Bucky/Brock Again!" Series, which is not finished either. But this series takes place in the same universe, only after Bucky is free from Hydra and back with Steve.Inspired by 'No Shame November' a series by Lauralot and WhatEvenAmI
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: The After [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2196168
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	1. Introduction

[No Shame November by Lauralot and WhatEvenAmI](https://archiveofourown.org/series/589579)

* * *

Bucky’s been back with Steve for almost a year now. Since the fight on the helicarrier, where Steve broke Bucky's programming and made him remember who he was. After that, Bucky surrendered to the Avengers and Steve took him in. 

Bucky is happy. But he still has his bad days. Flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety and paranoia. But he's getting better. And Steve is always there for him, no matter what.

But Bucky doesn't tell Steve _everything._ There's some things he just has to keep to himself. He thinks, if Steve knew, he wouldn't love him anymore. He'd think Bucky is disgusting, and he would kick him out and never talk to him again. So yeah, Bucky has secrets.

His biggest secret is about Rumlow. Bucky's never told Steve or anyone else about Rumlow, what he used to do to him. How he made him wear diapers and hold his piss for _hours,_ made him hold it until he was desperate, squirming and falling apart, crying and begging just to be allowed to piss himself. He hasn't told Steve about that. He can't tell Steve about that. And he especially can't tell Steve that he _kind of liked it._

Some things he just has to keep to himself. 


	2. Chapter 2

Just like every morning, Steve gets up at 5 o'clock to go on his morning run. Bucky is awake, but he pretends to still be sleeping. 

He's been thinking about this for a while. But he's been too anxious to actually do it. He's afraid to get caught. But he's been keeping track, and he knows once Steve leaves he'll be gone for at least a couple of hours.

He continues to fake sleep, keeping his eyes shut and his breathing steady. He feels the movement beside him as Steve gets out of bed, hears him yawn, and his joints cracking as he stretches. He hears him rifling through the dresser, and then footsteps, leaving the bedroom and fading across the hall into the bathroom. 

As soon as he hears the shower turn on, Bucky's up and running to the kitchen. He fills a glass of water and downs it fast, the he fills it and drinks it again, and again, and again, and then again. He fills it one last time and drinks it, and at this point, 6 glasses of water in, his stomach feels uncomfortably full, like it's stretched out making room for all the water. He runs back to bed and he can hear the water sloshing in his stomach as he does, but maybe he's imagining it.

He lays down and pretends to sleep once again, waiting impatiently for Steve to finish his shower and leave.

About 15 minutes later, he hears the shower turn off. 20, and he hears the front door shut. He gets up. He's already starting to feel the first dull sense of need. He goes to the closet.

Steve knows Bucky wets the bed. When Bucky first got here, he tried to keep it hidden. He did his own laundry when Steve wasn't home, he never let Steve in his room, and once he remembered what they used to be, even though it was illegal back then, but Steve taught him it's acceptable now for 2 men to love each other and they don't have to hide it anymore, he refused to sleep with Steve. He didn't want him to know.

Of course Steve found out anyway. He didn't leave one day when Bucky thought he had, and Steve caught him carrying his pissy sheets to the laundry. They had a talk, and Steve bought Bucky some diapers to wear at night. Bucky refused to wear them, at first. They reminded him of Rumlow, and what he used to do. He didn't want them. But eventually, Steve convinced him, and he had to admit it was better than waking up with the bed completely soaked and having to wash everything every day. After that, he started sleeping with Steve, no longer needing to worry.

Eventually, though, he started to _like_ wearing the diapers. He knew he shouldn't, he knows what Rumlow did was wrong, but he no longer feels shame and anger when he remembers those times. Of course he still hates Rumlow. But he finds the memories sometimes making him feel _good._

It started with a nightmare, but was it _really_ a nightmare? Is it considered a nightmare, when he dreams about what Rumlow did to him, if he wakes up with a raging hard on, nearly cumming in his pants?

Is it bad if he sometimes masturbates thinking about being forced to hold it until he loses control?

He doesn't like to think about Rumlow. Sometimes, he imagines it's Steve instead. And he's nice and gentle. He doesn't punish him, even when he loses it before he's given permission. He feels safe and loved with Steve. He wishes he could do this with Steve. But he can't. 

He grabs a new diaper from the box in the closet. He goes to the bathroom, taking off the wet one from sleeping, wipes himself off, and puts the new one on. The water is filtering through his kidneys fast, and the urge is moderate now. But he's not desperate yet. He pulls pants back on, and goes to the kitchen. 

He fills a glass of water. He drinks it, 7. Then does it again. 8. Again. 9. Again. 10. He thinks that's enough. It's unlikely for him to suffer from water intoxication, with his enhanced metabolism, but he doesn't want to risk it anyway. Besides, the faster metabolism also means he'll have to pee sooner.

He goes to the couch and turns on the TV. He watches for a while, until the need is a distraction. Then he goes back into the bathroom. The diapers he wears at night aren't as good as the ones they put him in at Hydra. Those were MAGS, or maximum absorbency garments. These are just regular diapers from the store. They're good for containing moderate amounts of pee, like his accidents while he's sleeping, but he doesn't think they'll hold the full amount of his bladder when he fills it to the brim. 

In the bathroom, he stretches. Jogs in place. Does some push ups. Just to get his blood pumping. His blood pumping faster means his kidneys working faster. He keeps exercising until the need is starting to become dire. Then he waits. 

Once he can no longer stand still without feeling like he's gonna leak, he turns on the faucet. His need immediately spikes, and he has to bounce in place, squirming to keep control. He takes his pants off, and steps into the bathtub, wearing only his t-shirt and the diaper. He waits some more, focusing on the sound of the running water.

He teases himself, pressing his hand down on his bladder, starting to relax until the first bit is about to leak out and then quickly clamping his muscles again. He loves it.

After a few minutes, the first actual leak spurts out against his will, and he decides to tease himself even more. He lets go, just a little bit, then tenses back up, feeling the desperation pulse through him even more intensely as he denies his bladder the release it begs for. He's not gonna last much longer. 

He waits a little more, listening to the faucet still running, and pressing his hand down on his lower abdomen, absolutely torturing himself as the need spreads through him in intense waves, making his legs tremble with strain. After another leak forces its way out, he decides to let go.

He shudders at the relief, his mind overwhelmed with ecstasy as the diaper fills with his hot piss. It comes out fast, and he's glad he decided to do this in the bathtub as the diaper overflows and the urine starts streaming in rivulets down his legs. He leans against the wall, easing himself down to sit on the floor of the tub, still pissing. He watches it run right out of the leg openings and across the tub towards the drain.

Once he's empty, his dick is as hard as vibranium. He pulls it out of the wet diaper, and quickly jerks himself off. It doesn't take long at all for him to cum, still focused on that blissful relief. He cleans up afterwards, cleaning the tub, throwing out the diaper and wiping himself off. Steve will never have to know.


	3. Chapter 3

"Buck?" Steve calls from the bedroom.

Bucky get up from the couch, going in to see what he needs. His heart speeds up when he sees Steve at the closet, holding the box.

"You're almost out of your nighttime briefs?"

Bucky tries to act surprised. "Oh, am I?"

"Yeah." Steve says. "Didn't I just buy more 2 weeks ago? This is supposed to be a month's worth."

"Did you? I don't remember that." Bucky's lying through his teeth, and he feels guilty about it, of course. But Steve can't know. He can't know what Bucky does while he's gone.

Bucky's been doing it every day since that first time he decided to just go for it. He just can't get over how good it feels, how his orgasms when he jerks off afterwards are some of the best he's ever had.

"Hmm. Maybe I forgot." Steve says. "I guess I'll buy more when I go shopping tomorrow."

"Okay, thanks Stevie."

"No problem."

Bucky goes back to the living room, but he has trouble focusing on the TV now. He feels so bad for lying to Steve like that. Steve does so much for him. He's also worried about Steve catching on, growing suspicious of him and the sudden disappearance of the diapers. Maybe he should just stop. It's not normal, it's _wrong._ He's dirty and disgusting for liking it. He knows that. But if it's bad, why does it make him feel so good.....

Maybe he won't stop. But maybe he should cut back a little, at least.

☆

It's a week later, and Bucky's standing in the bathtub. His thighs tremble with desperation, even as he has them so tightly pressed together. He grits his teeth and grabs himself hard when a spasm has him doubling over, straining to keep control. It hurts so good.

He's already leaked a couple of times, and the diaper is just slightly damp from it. But today he's decided he's not just gonna let go when he's near his limit like he usually does, he wants to go all the way. He wants to lose control for real.

He crosses his legs and writhes in place as the next spasm hits, but he still loses a long leak. The leaks do nothing to lessen the pressure in his abdomen. They only make him even more desperate, and in turn, even more turned on. 

Another spasm only seconds after the last one, stronger than any other so far, and this time he knows he's done. The leak doesn't stop, and tensing up his muscles as hard as he can only keeps it at a painfully slow trickle, but he can't do anything to cut it off. It's happening whether he likes it or not. And he _does_ like it. 

He relaxes with a sigh as he lets it happen. The hiss of his piss hitting the diaper is loud, echoing off the tile walls in the quiet bathroom. Between the sound and the overwhelming relief, it has him distracted enough that he doesn't hear the front door open. 

He hears the bathroom door open though. But at that point, it's too late to do anything. 

"Bucky?" 

The relief is chased away by panic and terror, and Bucky instinctively tries to clench up and stop the flow, but it's no use, and the diaper's already overflowed and he knows Steve sees the piss running down his legs. He yanks the shower curtain shut and crouches down, only realizing afterwards that there's no point in hiding, he should have had the shower curtain shut in the first place, and locked the door, God he's so _stupid_ , and Steve saw, and Steve is gonna hate him now, and he's gonna break up with him and kick him out of the apartment, and where's he gonna go now? He has nowhere else to go, and nobody else who cares but Steve, and he's ruined everything because he's a goddamn disgusting _pervert._

"Okay...." Steve says, confused. "I'll be in the living room, I guess." And Bucky hears the door click shut.

He lets himself fall back against the wall and just cries. He never should have done this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate to end the chapter on such a bad note,, but don't worry, everything is gonna turn out fine, even if Bucky doesn't think so.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't bear to leave it on something bad like I did on the last chapter. I don't want things to be bad :(

It takes a while for Bucky to calm down enough to leave the bathroom. Even after he's cleaned himself up and gets dressed, he feels dirty. He doesn't want to face Steve. He doesn't want to deal with Steve's disgust when he's already disgusted with himself. But he's no coward. He did something wrong and he needs to face the consequences. He goes out to the living room. Steve is sitting on the couch. He looks up when Bucky comes in.

"Hi." Steve says.

"Hi." Bucky says back.

Nothing more is said until Bucky can't take the awkward silence anymore. 

"I'm sorry!" Bucky says. "I won't do it again. I promise. I'm sorry."

Steve sighs. "Buck, you don't have to be sorry. I just wish you would have told me. You know you can tell me anything and I won't judge you. I'm not angry."

"You're not?"

"No. Of course not, Bucky. If I knew you were having accidents during the day too, I would've-"

Bucky cuts Steve off. He can't let him start blaming himself. Not for this. This is all on Bucky. "I don't have accidents during the day. At least not how you think. I did that on purpose. I'm sorry."

"You...pee yourself on purpose?" Steve says.

"Yes. I'm sorry."

"Can I ask why?"

Bucky sighs. "It just...I like it. I don't know. I like to hold it in, until I can't anymore, and piss myself. It just makes me feel good. I can't really explain it."

"It makes you feel good? Like... horny?" Steve asks.

"Yeah."

"So, uh, when you wet the bed, is that on purpose too?"

"No! I don't piss the bed on purpose, Steve. Those are real accidents and I can't control that, I swear! Please don't be mad about that, just be mad about this. I did this on purpose."

"I'm not mad at you, Bucky. I just want to understand. I believe you that you don't wet the bed on purpose. It's okay. And I'm not mad about you doing this- uh, this thing either. You're allowed to like what you like. Um..." Steve pauses and clears his throat. "So this is like, a kink?"

"Yeah." 

"Okay." Says Steve. 

"Okay?"

"Yeah. Okay."

"So that's it? You're really not mad?"

"I'm not mad."

"So you're not gonna break up with me and kick me out?"

"Bucky! I would never. I love you, and I'll always love you. I don't care what you do in your own time, you're not hurting anyone."

"I love you too, Stevie. Thanks."

"Don't mention it, Buck. I do think we should talk more about this later. But I promise you, I'm not mad. I just need a little time to think. I have a meeting with Fury to go to, and we can talk when I get home. Just remember I'm not mad, so don't go getting yourself all worked up and anxious about this, okay?"

"Okay."

☆

That night, Bucky's sitting on the couch anxiously waiting for Steve. He's been gone for hours. Is the meeting really that long? What if he changed his mind about being mad? What if he decided to abandon Bucky and never come back? The thought makes him feel sick.

He's too busy being stuck in his own worries to pay attention to his surroundings, so he jumps when there's suddenly a hand on his shoulder. 

"What did I say about getting yourself all anxious and worked up?" Steve asks.

"Sorry." Bucky says quietly. 

Steve sits down next to him. "Don't be sorry."

It's quiet for a few minutes. Steve's hand is still on Bucky's shoulder, and he focuses on that. The weight of it is comforting. 

"I had some time to think." Steve says. "And I have a few questions."

"Okay."

"Have you been doing this for a while?"

"Yeah."

"And it's always when I'm not home?"

"Yeah."

"I guess you were scared I'd be mad?" Steve asks.

"Yeah."

"Have you ever,- well, I mean, is this something you just like to do by yourself? Have you ever thought about, um, if I was with you? If I was involved somehow?"

Bucky fidgets nervously. "Umm, yeah. I've thought about it."

"And what do you think of that? When you think about me being there."

"I think I'd like it. You always make me feel safe, and loved. I think you'd be gentle. Not like... um, well, I'm sorry, this is the bad part. I shouldn't like this. I shouldn't be enjoying something that was used to abused me. I, uh, one of the Hydra agents, I won't say who, but, you knew him. He used to make me do it. But he was awful about it. He'd push me past my limits and degrade me, and punish me if I couldn't hold it long enough. I didn't like it, then. But for some reason, I just... I don't know. I don't know why I like it now. When I started remembering it, when you bought the diapers for my uh, nighttime issue, I didn't want to remember it. But once I started thinking about it, I wanted it. But I didn't want to think about him. I thought about you instead. And you never punish me or degrade me, in those fantasies."

Steve nods, and it's quiet for so long after that that Bucky thinks he isn't going to say anything. 

"It's okay to like things. Even if you have some bad memories of that thing. I wouldn't judge a rape victim who decides to have consensual sex, and I don't judge you for this. I don't understand exactly what you like about it, but that's okay. I was thinking, and I'd be there for you, if you wanted me to. Maybe we can explore this together. Maybe I'll even turn out to like it. Who knows. But for you, I'm willing to try." Steve says. 

"Really?" Bucky asks.

"Yeah. But we'd need to work a few things out first. We should use the stoplights."

"What?"

"The stoplights. It's something I read about on the internet. It's like safewords. Green for go, yellow for slow down, red for stop. If you're feeling good about what's happening and you want to continue, you'd say green. If you want to slow down, you'd say yellow. If you're feeling bad and need to stop, you'd say red. That goes for both of us."

"Okay."

"I don't want you to push yourself. I won't be mad if you need to slow down or stop. If we do this I need you to promise me you'll use the stoplights if you need to." Steve says.

"I promise." Bucky says.

"Okay." Says Steve. "Maybe we can try this out tomorrow. I'm gonna go make dinner."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	5. Chapter 5

"What do you need me to do?" Steve asks.

"Um... just, make me drink water, I guess. A lot of it." Bucky says. 

"Okay." Steve says, filling a large glass at the sink. He hands it to Bucky. "Drink it."

It's awkward, but they both knew it would be, at first. Neither of them really know how to go about this whole thing, but they'll work it out, together. All they can do now is just make it up as they go along. 

"More?" Steve asks when Bucky finishes the glass.

"Yeah." Bucky says. Steve refills the glass and hands it back. 

Bucky drinks 13 glasses before he tells Steve he doesn't want anymore. His stomach is so full it hurts, and he feels like he's about to throw it all back up. But he wants the first time with Steve to be good, as good as it's been in his fantasies, so he wants to go all out. He wants to be as full as he can.

"Okay, now what?" Steve asks.

"Now we just wait." Bucky says.

They sit down and watch a movie, but neither of them are paying attention to it. Steve keeps nervously glancing over at Bucky, who keeps his eyes trained on the TV, even though they both know he's not actually watching it.

"Do you need to go yet?" Steve asks.

"A little." Bucky says. "Not bad yet."

"Okay." Says Steve. 

Bucky bites his lip. Things are quiet for a while.

When the need starts getting bad Bucky still sits and waits. He's only uncomfortable, not desperate. He wants this to be good.

Eventually though, he can't sit still. He's starting to get desperate fast because of all the water and the nerves and anticipation are working against him too.

Steve sees Bucky squirming. "Do you have to go now?" He says.

"Yeah." Says Bucky. 

"Okay. What now?"

"Um... you can tease me, a little bit. Press on my bladder and stuff."

"Do you want to sit on my lap? Or is that too much?"

"Yeah, but I might pee on your jeans a bit." Bucky says, blushing. He's naked except for the diaper, but Steve is fully clothed. 

Steve smiles, and that makes Bucky a little less embarrassed. "I don't mind. I'm green if you are."

"I'm green." Bucky says.

So Bucky takes his place on Steve's lap, his back pressed to Steve's chest. Steve wraps his arms around Bucky's waist, and his hands rest on his lower abdomen, over his full bladder. 

"Green?" Steve asks.

"Green." Bucky replies.

Steve presses down, gently at first, then harder until Bucky moans. 

"You okay?" He asks.

"Yeah. I just really gotta go." Bucky says. 

"Oh yeah? How bad?"

"Really bad. I don't know how much longer I can hold it. I drank so much, Steve."

"You did drink alot." Steve says. "I bet you're so full, all that water I put in you, I bet it's all begging to come back out now, huh?"

"Yeah." Bucky says.

Steve starts massaging at Bucky's abdomen with one hand, and his other hand comes down to press into the padding over Bucky’s groin, cupping him through the diaper. 

Bucky instinctively ruts into the hand, seeking out the pressure. It helps him find just a little bit of relief. 

"Fuck." Steve says. "This is kinda hot, Buck."

"Really?" Bucky asks. 

"Really."

"Sometimes I let out just a little bit, just to tease myself. It makes it worse." Bucky says.

"Okay, do it."

Bucky relaxes just slightly, letting a tiny trickle of piss out, and clenching back up only seconds later, causing a sharp spasm of desperation to pulse through his bladder all the way down to the tip of his dick. He moans at the sensation. 

He continues rutting into Steve's hand, feeling the urgent, warning spasms in his abdomen, and he can feel Steve's erection under him, poking into his asscheek through the padding. 

"Do you like this, Steve?" Bucky asks.

"Yeah." Steve says. His face is flushed. "Yeah, I do. This is way hotter than I thought it would be."

Bucky moves so he's only sitting on one of Steve's legs rather than both. He grinds his crotch down into Steve's thigh, and it helps him hold on, and he bites his lip as the desperation and arousal both course through him at the same time.

Steve leans forward, kissing Bucky's shoulder, as his arms tighten around Bucky's waist. A leak spurts out before Bucky can stop it.

"I can't hold it much longer, Stevie." Bucky says.

"That's okay. I've got you. You're doing so good." Says Steve.

Bucky gets up and turns around, so he's now face to face with Steve, straddling his waist. Another leak trickled out when he stood up, but he was able to cut it off. It only makes him more desperate, though. 

He ruts into Steve's hips as Steve cups his face and kisses him deeply. A harsh wave runs through him and he gasps into Steve's mouth.

"I can't hold it, Stevie." Bucky says. He feels a thin stream start but he still keeps his muscles tensed tightly, trying to hold back. "Gonna piss myself."

"Go ahead." Steve says. "It's okay."

Bucky relaxes, leaning into Steve as he lets go. The muffled hiss of Bucky's strong stream leaving his cock is joined by Bucky's relieved sigh and Steve's gasp as he starts bucking his hips up, humping Bucky from below. 

"Don't cum." Bucky says. "I wanna get you off myself."

Steve reluctantly slows and then stops his movements. "Okay." He says. "I didn't think this was gonna be this sexy. I was ready to cum in my pants like a horny teenager."

Steve moans when the diaper overflows and Bucky's piss starts leaking onto his jeans. 

"Sorry." Bucky says.

"No." Says Steve. "It's alright. More than alright. I'm just trying not to blow my load."

Nothing more is said as Bucky continues pissing, feeling blissed out and nearly boneless with the relief. It takes a little bit for the stream to slow into a trickle before it stops.

"Can I jack you off?" Bucky asks. 

"Green." Says Steve. "Can I do the same to you?"

"Green." Bucky says.

Bucky scoots back, so he's sitting on Steve's knees and there's enough space between them to get both their dicks out. Bucky pulls Steve's out of his jeans and Steve pulls Bucky's out of his soaked diaper. 

"Fuck." Steve says as Bucky strokes him. "That was so good, Bucky. You're so hot. I'm not gonna last long."

"I was so nervous." Bucky admits, then moans as Steve strokes him as well.

"Me too." Says Steve. "But it was good. I liked it. I love you."

"I love you too."

There's no words after that, only gasps and moans as the two men jack each other off.

Steve leans in to kiss Bucky, and Bucky eagerly kisses back. Steve moans into Bucky's mouth as he cums, his cock twitching in Bucky's hand, and his cum spurts up onto Bucky's bare abs. Bucky's orgasm follows close behind, cumming over Steve's hand and onto his wet jeans and the bottom of his shirt.

"I wanna do this again sometime." Steve says once he's caught his breath. Bucky's leaned into him, his head resting on Steve's shoulder. Steve's arms are around Bucky, holding him close. Between their bodies, their now soft and sticky dicks are still out, and the cum is starting to dry on them.

"Soon?" Bucky asks.

"Yeah. Real soon." Steve says.


End file.
